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Monday, May 15, 2017

Antonio Cromartie’s Playing Career Extended, with News of Failed Vasectomy; Sandy Alderson Wants YOU to Pitch for the Mets; and the Comedy Classic, “Bartolo Colon, Where are You?”

 

The Cromarties in February, 2016. Although she didn’t look like it at the time, petite Mrs. Terricka Cromartie actually had two buns in the oven.
 

By Nicholas Stix

I just turned the TV on to SNY26, which these days is a fateful decision, to watch tonight’s Mets loss. I was too early; the Amazins are losing in Arizona to the D-Backs later tonight.

The show Loudmouths was closing with the news that veteran free agent, Pro Bowl, and longtime Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie is expecting his 14th child.

Perhaps the most shocking aspect of the story is not that Cromartie is fathering yet another child, in spite of getting “fixed” in 2013, but that the expectant mother is his own wife! This will be his fourth post-fix baby, including twins with wife Terricka last year.

One of the co-hosts punned,
Well, Cromartie’s played for a very long time. Clearly, he’s a very special player.
Let us all hope that Cromartie gets some kind of job, on or off the field, so as to preclude mass starvation in America.

 

... to pitch for the New York Mets!
 

Arms and the Man

If you have two functioning arms, please call Mets GM Sandy Alderson at (718) 507-8499.

Alderson is stuck with a bunch of pitchers, whose arms have fallen off. By the way, don’t call Sandy, if a mere stare causes your pitching arm to fall off. He’s already got a hospital ward full of guys like that, many of whom answer to the name, “Tommy.”

To the tune of the immortal TV series, “Bartolo Colon, where are you?”

 

Car 54 Where are You? Theme
 


 

 

Bartolo Colon, aka "Big Sexy"; Alderson: Being morbidly obese not a deal-breaker
 

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

A story about a typical black that gets lots of women pregnant--and a pitcher who LOOKS like he's pregnant.Lol.
Cromartie better hope his financial advisor is doing his job or the poor little shitlings won't have any child support in a few short years.Not that I care of course,except somehow,it'll all fall back on the taxpayer to take care of his jizzoids.
--GR Anonymous

David In TN said...

When Car 54 Where Are You? was on when I was a kid, I watched it every week.

Elliot Foley said...

If Cromartie had twins (#11 and #12) with his wife, and they are now expecting child #14, where is unlucky child #13???

He already had enough trouble remembering the names of his first 10 kids!

He was paying roughly $350k a year in child support for 10 kids when his wife was pregnant with the twins.